The movie Parenthood had a quote about how life is like a roller coaster. My friend Phil quoted it to me in a special book of memories I have, a blue dollar store notebook that I had people sign and write a message in when I felt they were important to me, but I knew they were leaving my side. Times of transition. The end of my Quebec exchange. The end of first year university. Times when my personal roller coaster was on the downside and I wasn’t convinced the ride was going to give me enough momentum to climb the hill I could see looming on the other side.
I’ve since learned that that fear that I’ll run out of momentum is depression lying. It’s the kind of lie that has truth to it. The worst kind. The scary kind. The kind that looks and feels true. Because of you take it as truth it becomes true.
I’m looking at the looming mountain again. I’ve started this blog to try to understand why it is back, why I’m not looking forward to the rush down the hill, the feeling of weightlessness before I feel gravity and the anticipation of the next climb. I’m a fighter. I am stubborn. I am smart and strong. I need to love the roller coaster again.